Saying goodbye…

11 years ago, a golden puff ball was born. He watched his sisters and brothers taken away by strange people, and sat all alone, lonely and unloved because he had (what the breeders called) a “wonky eye”.

Meanwhile, a girl who had been struggling with severe depression for the better part of her life was checked out of hospital after an attempt on her own life. After some counseling, her therapist made the suggestion that she get a pet as animal therapy could possibly help where drugs were failing.

And so, girl and dog were brought together, and she knew from the very moment that she laid eyes on him that he was her dog and had just been waiting for her to arrive.

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He was barely 8 weeks old with big floppy ears and clumsy paws that would take months to grow into. She watched him with love and through him, learnt to laugh again. He grew into a big, hairy furball who couldn’t bear to be separated from his mommy, and she was so attached that even when she went away, she would call home and have her family put him on the phone just so she could hear his woof.

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The relationship had it’s ups and downs, of course. She was more than a little upset when he shredded her childhood teddy bear (which was her only memento from her grandmother), and he was always very unimpressed when she wouldn’t give him the last of her peanut butter toast. But these temporary tiffs were always forgotten by the end of the day, when he’d jump onto her bed for a cuddle as they went to sleep.

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He taught the girl what unconditional love truly was, and no matter how sad or upset she was, always managed to soothe and console her. Even on the days when she struggled to get out of bed, he somehow always managed to make her laugh and help her tackle each new day.

And so, side by side, they grew up together. He helped her through each heartbreak and eased her loneliness, and she in turn loved him as her own child, spoiling him as rotten as she possibly could.

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As he got older, she worried about how she would cope if he left her – the sad fact being that he was always destined to leave her behind. She fretted whenever he took ill, and spent many nights watching him sleep and asking whoever was up there and listening to please let him live longer and go many years from now, peacefully in his sleep.

But I’m afraid that life just isn’t fair that way.

After being in hospital for the past few days due to a bout of pancreatitis, the girl got a call this afternoon from his doctor, telling her that he had collapsed and taken a turn for the worse. The doctor told her that she should come as soon as possible as it was an emergency. The girl’s heart stopped beating and she fell apart at her desk, already terrified of what was to come.

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Racing away from her workplace and barely able to drive for the tears in her eyes, she hoped that the doctor was wrong and that she would get there and that he would be okay. Or that she would at least be able to hold him, comfort him, tell him one more time that she loved him. Soothe him and tell him that it would be okay, that his momma had arrived.

But she got there too late. He hadn’t been able to wait for her and slipped away to the other side of the rainbow bridge as she was trying her very best to get to him. She collapsed next to him, clinging to his side and crying into his fur. It’s not fair. He wasn’t meant to go like this. Her darling baby boy was gone and she didn’t even get to say goodbye.

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The girl is now sitting at a computer and trying her best to write him a farewell letter to say all the things she didn’t get to say one last time, but every time she thinks the tears have stopped, she falls apart again, clutching at the painful emptiness she feels in her chest. She knows in the back of her mind that the pain will eventually ease but she doesn’t know how that is possible when her fuzzy little munchkin left so suddenly and unexpectedly.

Here is her letter.

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To my dear, sweet, darling Mr Woofy,

Thank you for everything. For 11 years, you blessed me with unconditional trust and love. You picked me up when I fell down, you showed me how to laugh when I thought I’d never laugh again, and taught me so much about life. I will forever treasure every day that you were by my side, and take some solace in the fact that your passage was quick and that you weren’t in pain for too long.

I’m sorry, too.

I’m sorry for all the nights that I stayed out or went away and made you worry about where your mommy was.

I’m sorry for all the times that I pushed you away instead of giving you all the cuddles that you wanted.

I’m sorry that I couldn’t stop this from happening to you.

But most of all, I’m so so so sorry that I wasn’t there to hold you one last time before you had to go.

My dearest baby boy. Your momma is hurting a lot right now and she misses you so very much. I hope that wherever you are, there is lots of fresh grass to roll in, ducks to chase and bones to chew. Momma can’t be there right now, but when my time comes, I hope you’ll be waiting for me as you did each day – tail wagging, with a kiss and a cuddle.

I love you forever and ever.

Your mommy.

Comments

  1. Lucy Crawford (Ayers) says:

    Ellie, I’m so very sorry to hear about Mr Woofy. I’m seriously balling my eyes out reading this as I remember from our time together at Hobsons just how much you loved him. So sad for you. Chin up, sweetie, it will take time to heal but know that you gave Mr Woofy a wondeful and very happy life xo

  2. Sorry to hear about the death of your beloved Mr. Woffy. He looked like he was a great friend and companion. I’m sure Mr. Woofy knew in his last moments that you were desperately trying to get to the hospital. Animals have that sixth sense that connects them to their humans. You are forever connected to one another…

  3. I’m so sorry, Ellie. I lost my dear cat, Mr. Fuzzy, in November. It was just a terrible thing. It is hard any time to lose a friend, but I think what makes it so hard is our animals are just so good to us, and we are just so unworthy sometimes of it. I hope you find peace and do something to help you remember Mr. Woofy. A lot of people these days just try to “get over it” and move on, but I don’t think that’s right. We’re going to plant some apple trees in the spring time in Fuzzy’s memory. I think he would have liked it. Hugs.

  4. my deepest condolences on your lost. it is so hard when they go – isn’t it? and yes it will ease w/ time but that is totally meaningless right now. you were there w/ him at the end becuase you were thinking of him and he was in your heart. your letter to him – and the whole blog post – are beautifully written. be easy on yourself right now because even though other might not understand your losss is great right now.

    my thoughts and those of my pups are w/ you. in sympathy, jacquie, scout, bella and sout2

  5. Hi Ellie, how are you? This is my first time stopping by your blog so I do not know a lot about you and Mr Woofy, but I cannot help but offer my condolences for your loss – your letter to him was lovely, and I am sure he knew after 11 long years how much you loved him. I myself have just moved house and started a new job working long hours so my pooches have sort of become neglected. I should not only think about them when I need them – they need me at times too. I am going to wake up and take them for a nice long walk tomorrow. Thankyou so much. Mr Woofy is simply stunning. We all hope to hear more from you soon :)

  6. I’m so sorry for your loss Ellie :( I hadn’t realised that you had updated and that Mr Woofy had passed away. I wish there was something I could do to help you, to ease the pain and to make you feel better. I can only imagine how hard it must to see Mr Woofy go and not being able to say goodbye, but I’m sure Mr Woofy understands and you have given him so much love for the past 11 years.
    Please take good care of yourself!

  7. Christine says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. You post brought tears to my eyes. I have 2 dogs. One, Madsen, is already 13 years old and I cannot imagine the pain of losing her. Thank you for sharing your experience and I hope you feel better soon. Hang in there. It will get eaiser.

  8. Deb in Indiana says:

    You know, Mr. Woofy was totally OK with your not being with him — whatever you did, it was all good for him. Give him a bath, take him to the beach, ignore him on the computer, feed him bacon; all good, because you were his person.

    That’s the astounding thing about unconditional love. The extent to which our animals teach us that love — that’s what makes us better people. Not as good people as Mr. Woofy, but better because we shared our time with a noble soul.

  9. Ellie, I have been reading your blog for many years. I am sorry to read about Mr. Woofy. Know that he will be waiting for you on the other side of the rainbow bridge. Tail wagging so fast that he may fall over. Know that you are loved and there are those who will stand by you. HUGE HUGS

  10. i’m so sorry to hear about your loss. Dogs are such wonderful companions, it’s such a shame that they must leave us so soon. From your beautiful letter, it sounds like Mr. Woofy received so much love from his mommy. he must have had a great life. take care…..

  11. I am so very sorry for you and your family.
    My Mon Ami’ left us last May 2nd, 2011 – she was 16 and did have health/heart problems. Still had a great appetite and besides not being able to walk up or down stairs on her own – she was fierce on flat turf.
    My brother would pick her up after I went to work and I would pick her up at his business at the end of my work day.
    She did wait for me to come home and when we got into our apartment she got on the couch as usual for our cuddle time. Within 30 minutes of that she passed.
    You can’t say how long it will take to not cry – I did just today looking at pic’s of her that were sent to me for Valentines Day video of her.
    Disregard all the lame people who make terrible remarks – for they have nevre had the Love of a true companion.
    Much Love and Aloha,
    Mary

  12. I’m so sorry for your loss, I think all of us with animal friends understand what you must be going through. Hugs.

  13. Lynne from Honolulu says:

    Dear Ellie,
    I am so sorry to hear of your loss and know what you are going through. The hole in your heart seems never ending but yes, in time, it will heal. Your Mr. Woofy will always be your #1 and maybe it was fate that broght you two together 11 years ago. I lost my Momi of 18 years 9/2010 but acquired an abandoned puppy on 1/2010. Believe it or not, Kokko, young as she was took care of Momi til the time she died. She licked her face, cleaned her ears and watched over her when Momi couldn’t get up. If it wasn’t for Kokko, I would have been a total basket case.

    I have always had a dog while growing up and it’s always hard to say good bye. With Momi, I had her til the very end and she was the one to tell me when it was time. Her heart was fading & it was time for her to stop fighting and rest. I know she’s in a good place & yes, we will meet at the Rainbow Bridge when it’s our time. You were a good mommy! Take care and lots of hugs for you all around!

  14. Oh.. it’s my fisr time here.. i was looking for new recipes.. but I must tell u how much i understand u.. my cat died after 17 years, and I feel like i lost a foot, and a sister.. she was always near and around me. I think that everybody had a pet can perfectly feel what u feel.. :-( and i even dream about her, sometimes..
    Sara recently posted..SEDANINI CON SEDANO, CAROTE, OLIVE NERE

  15. Hi Ellie, I totally understand what you are feeling now for your lovely Mr Woofy just as I lost my dog in an accident 2 years ago. There was no goodbye between my dog and me either. I felt really bad that I wasn’t there by her side when she needed me most. Lucky for Mr Woofy that he didn’t suffer a lot and he accompanied you for all these years long. Surely he felt very happy to meet you and be your beloved baby. Hope you are feeling better as time flies by. All the best! ps. I was brought here by looking for recipes. what a surprise to read your words, really touching.

  16. Ellie –

    I lurked on your blog for a while now. I’m so sorry for your loss. It was a lovely story of you and Mr. Woofey, one that made me cry. I know it will get easier to feel happy for the good and precious moments you had together and less painful as time goes on.

    Lily

  17. This is a must read if you love your dog! Saying goodbye… http://t.co/nqSj4M7a

  18. What wonky eye? I did see a pure, perfect soul and I’m so glad that fate saved him for you. Dogs are so stupid. Making us make fools of ourselves over them and then breaking our hearts. If my Otis leaves me, I’lI never forgive him. I hope time has helped you heal and I thank you for breaking my heart a tiny bit this morning. Sometimes you need to feel a pinch to remind you just who matters and where they truly live. I came for eclairs and I found a little perspective. The day before Thanksgiving. Thank you. And please be well!

  19. Jody and Cobee Agerton says:

    :sad: God you are making me cry… the story you tell is like right out of my heart and soul, my dog/ best and pretty much only love came to me by some blessing and my life has become so much more than I would EVER be able to bargain for….From the moment I brought Cobee home at 8 weeks old not a moment went by that I either said or thought….If you go I go….I don’t want to be here if you are not… and I mean it!!!
    Recently I hit rock bottom again but I could not do it, because I have an allegiance to my love. I feel your tears and I am so glad at the same time, to know someone else over there has a friendship similar to mine. Bless you!

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  1. […] This woman’s account of the death of her Mr. Woofy was a heart wrenching piece that is certainly worth reading. […]

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