Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m beautiful
These cookies aren’t the kind that will win any beauty pagents. No siree bob, these are the kind of cookies that would make the mirror crack as they groomed their warty selves in the morning whilst asking any available reflective surface if they were pretty - in the hopes that one would survive the ensuing crack to respond that they weren’t all that bad.
Ladies and gentlemen, these are the cookies that, once they had been removed from the oven and viewed by my mother, were met with a distasteful wrinkling of the nose and a comment that they were “too damn ugly to eat, and certainly too ugly to give away to other people”.
Listen to that sound. Can you hear it? That’s the sound of a broken-hearted cookie crying. It’s certainly not the cookies fault that it looks like a burnt saucer of lumpy porridge. They tried their hardest to appeal - what with it’s chunks of walnut and pecan, sultanas, oats and chocolate, the range of goodness available with every round should appeal to the senses.
And yet…
Nobody wanted to love them.
All these cookies want is to be told that they’re beautiful, and good enough to eat
“Come on, ma!” I cajoled, holding one of these lumpy brown discs under her nose, it’s honeyed scent wafting through the air. “Just take a bite - just the one!”
“Get it away from me!”
“Oh no ma, it’s the cookie express, and it needs a runway to land on! Mayday, mayday, ship is about to go down - please extend the tongue landing strip!”
Funnily enough, that didn’t get any response except an absolutely withering look. Apparantly parents don’t like playing ‘aeroplane’ with their food, whodathunkit?
I gave up. “Ma - just give it a try before you decide they’re not good enough for the christmas goodie hampers, orright? I’ve made about 50-odd of these suckers so just give ‘em a chance!”. I put the cookie down on the table next to her mug of tea and trotted back to the kitchen to continue running my production line of goods. When I flounced back into the lounge a few minutes later, I noticed that the cookie had disappeared - there was not a single crumb to be spotted anywhere on the table.
“Ma…did you give the cookie to the dog?”
“Nope - I ate it! What was I meant to do with it? You told me to eat it, didn’t you? So I ate it! Yeesh!”
I rolled my eyes and trudged back to the kitchen. Usually when my ma approves of a recipe she will wax lyrical about how much she enjoyed it, but the lack of such response after consuming this morsel made me start thinking of what else I could make in their stead, and how long it’d take me to consume the mountain of these cookies that I had sitting on my counter. As I walked away, my mother called out “Hey Ellie!”
“Yeah?”
“Bring me another one of those things, yeah? They’re good!”
And that’s the story of how this humble lumpy cookie made it into our christmas food hampers this year 
Don’t be fooled by their misshapen appearance - these are crisp, chewy, moist and full of flavour - and I guarantee that after the first you’ll find your hand seeking out another…and another…and another 
Ugly Duckling cookies (adapted from AWW, 1994)
Ingredients
125g butter, at room temperature and diced
1 tsp vanilla extract
200g dark brown sugar
100g caster sugar
2 tbsp honey
2 eggs
250g all-purpose flour
1 tsp bicarb soda
150g rolled oats
50g chopped pecans
50g chopped walnuts
50g sultanas
125g white chocolate, chopped
1. Preheat oven to 160 degrees C.
2. Beat butter, vanilla, sugars, honey and eggs till well combined.
3. Sift together flour and bicarb soda, then stir into wet mixture till well combined.
4. Add nuts, chocolate and sultanas and stir till evenly mixed through, then drop teaspoons of the mixture onto lined baking trays, about 5cm apart as they will spread quite a bit.
5. Bake for about 10-15 minutes, or till lightly browned. Cool cookies on tray for about 5 minutes before removing them to wire racks to finish cooling.
These cookies will puff up like little pillows whilst in the oven, but once removed they will flatten into these little discs - do not worry, this is what they’re meant to do! The edges should be crunchy, but the centre should be chewy and moist, punctuated by different bits of flavour from the nuts, chocolate and sultanas. Don’t let their appearance deceive you, these cookies will win your heart from the first mouthful to the very last
Technorati Tags: cookies, biscuits, chocolate, drop cookies, recipies, oats
If you enjoyed this post, please consider to leave a comment or subscribe to the feed and get future articles delivered to your feed reader.
Comments
sue I think it looks alright. It reminds me of soboro bread. Good to hear it ended happily.
chocolatesuze “sound of a broken-hearted cookie crying” oh dear HAHAHAHHA dont let the cookie crumble!!!
Tanna Ok, these guy’s don’t look like Hollywood stars but they aren’t ugly. The look like good cookies and I’d like to have some. Really the sound of a broken-hearted cookie crying is so sad and then just so funny!
Do enjoy the cookies. Mom are always fun one way or the other.
Ellie Ivonne - They’re the best
Brilynn - They certainly provide a nice surprise!
Kat - Thanks hon Ma took a goodie basket to church to share with the ladies who work with her in the kitchen after mass and she said she had to cajole them into trying these cookies whilst everything else flew off the plate!
Sue - They’re not the prettiest cookies I’ve ever come across, but they’re certainly one of the uglier tasty things to have come out of my oven
Suze - Hehehe, it’s an interesting image, isn’t it? Dang, I should’ve photoshopped a crying cookie!
Lis - Aww, and they love ya for it! 
Tanna - Moms are excellent and though I occasionally think that mine is a stark raving lunatic, I love her all the more for it Glad you liked the idea of the crying cookie
Ingrid Hello Ellie,
I’ve never posted before but I just had to tell you these cookies are delicious!
Simply beautiful
Ellie Ingrid - Howdy there Glad you like these little things - I think they’re quite beautiful too, in a homely sort of way!
Riley - Cheers
Callipygia Ellie, I think these cookies look good too! And I love the story about your mom’s response, v funny!
Ellie Callipygia - Thanks hon I love my ma, she’s about as mature as I am, so we tend to kid around well
I love happy endings!