“Sir, I will not take your name”
These days, I’m far more interested in reading personal blogs than food blogs, and one of the ones that I follow is written by Christine from Web-Goddess. Today she alerted me to the fact that SMH had another article about the rather controversial topic of surnames and matrimony, in a similar vein as the article written by Catherine Deveney of The Age last year.
I won’t rehash my opinions again, I already did that, but I’m keen to hear what you cheeky monkeys think - why are women still socially expected to change their surname upon getting hitched? What are your thoughts - will you change your name? Will you expect your partner to change theirs? And what about the children?
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April 17th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
Working in Asia I found men introduced their wives as Ms/Miss , meaning that they had not, nor were expected to take on their husband’s name.
I know a man who took his wife’s surname as there were no males in line to carry on the surname. She is Chinese, he is Caucasian.
I know a couple who’s children have their mother’s surname - which she retained. I know another couple with two kids, who have given her surname to one and his to the other.
I know a blended family where none of the four kids have the same surname.
I met Mr Stickyfingers in my thirties. By then I identified strongly with my name and my career was well established under that moniker. Changing it would have required too much rigamarole by that stage of my twenties.
Today in the papers there is a discussion of discouraging the use of the terms husband and wife in schools. I think it is just further indication of the deconstruction of tradition, language and religion in modern western society.
Basically we have the right to choose what fits our lives the best and over time breaking with tradition will be more accepted and eventually the norm.
April 17th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
I didn’t.
I can understand why a couple might want to share the same surname after marrying but you don’t see men offering to switch, do you? M and I (semi-jokingly) talked about both changing our surnames to a one-word hybrid of our current ones, but ultimately he wouldn’t do it. (The fact that we were only "engaged" for 5 weeks played its part in truncating these discussions.) He is stuck on keeping his name for reasons that he can’t explain, and consequently he never expected me to change mine. I appreciate that sense of equality, but have been frustrated by his lack of flexibility. I think these are signs of the times we grew up in - he had never been confronted with the ‘choice’ until he was 25 and marrying opinionated ol’ me, yet the "will I or won’t I?" option has always been there for me as a female growing up in 1980s/1990s Australia.
There are no kids on the horizon but if they ever appear, I’ll be staking my name claim on them for sure! Maybe I’ll dust off that hybrid surname, or we could choose an entirely new one for all of us?
April 18th, 2008 at 11:30 am
Heh. Hell no. I’ve always taken the stance that it’s enough that the children get his name, he doesn’t need me too. Plus I have an "exotic" ethnic name - like I’m going to trade down and become a Mrs. Smith. Although not having to spell my name constantly would be a plus..
April 19th, 2008 at 3:17 am
I saw a bit of frustration with other women who had to explain over and over again why they had a different name from their spouse. I think it’s perfectly acceptable to keep your name, especially if you have children with the same last name, a career, or something to which your full name is attached to already. Since I am still in the first 2 years of my college education and have no children, I felt it was alright to change my last name when I married last year.
I guess all in all, it is the woman’s choice and any reason she gives should be accepted by society.