How much is too much?
While talking to my best mate last night, she boiled it down for me in a fashion uniquely her, and which I love her dearly for because she doesn’t take shit from anybody and makes me realize when I am and don’t want to be -“How much are you willing to put up with?”
Good fuckin’ question, Holmes.
That is the basic summation of every possible kind of relationship, whether it be from coworkers to family to friends to lovers. How much are you willing to put up with?
None of us are perfect specimens, we all have our faults and have our moments of treating others like shit, whether it be intentional or unintentional, regardless of our level of affection for them. We are, after all, only human. However, our ability to hold onto the relationships that make up our circles of interaction directly relates to how much those around us are able to forgive those faults and care for us regardless of them, and how much we are willing to reciprocate to them. It is when this basic exchange fails to be satisfactory that any relationship between two people begins to crack.
I have always been someone described as passionate and hot-tempered, but another thing about me is that I am not fond of half-measures, it is all the way in or not at all and I don’t believe in it for others either. So when I was told that I was neither here nor there but placed in limbo, my stupidly optimistic sense said I should wait till I am relocated into either.
But frankly, why should I wait? Liking someone and being interested in them isn’t something that requires deep thought or analysis, you either know it or you don’t. Excuses are like the deferment of a death sentence, useless and just extending the uncertainty, insecurity and potential harm.
Of course, a reprieve is possible, though highly unlikely. I am not one for limbo, and known for my ability to cut and run - I believe that when a tie is cut, it should be surgically clean, severing every form of connection, every possible avenue of interaction, removed like a cancer with every cell removed and the cut sewn back up. A belief that I’ve lived by and which has served me well so far.
And, I believe, it will serve quite well in the future.
Though the night agrees with my mood, it always makes things appear dark, so I’m off to watch Mr Rochestor till sleep claims me for the night.
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Comments
Ellie 
I call the "how much are you willing to put up with" the 90% theory.
It’s about getting most of what you want and taking 10% of the bullshit. The question remains, what is that 10%?
And for each woman it varies. I am not familiar with your trials, but I have known some women who accept cheating,
Good luck.