Lazy-ass douchebaggery
Most of you (or all of you) know that I run a food blog, which is my main blog, this just being a venting hole. While running it gives me lots of joy, there are some times that I just want to shut the whole thing down and go running for the hills.
One of the main sources of grief is the contact form. I originally included it so that people could shoot me an email straight from the page, instead of having to open their email, and I’ve gotten heaps of wonderful emails and inquiries from plenty of very polite people. On the flip side of that, I get emails every now and then that make me weep for the state of humanity, as well as wanting to hunt them down and bash them over the head with a ‘manners’ stick.
Today I got one from a lady which had one line - “please send a recipe of vegetables stew”. That was it. Oh FUCKING hell, I am a person, not a bloody cookbook. Obviously she is capable of using the computer, why she couldn’t TRY A FUCKING GOOGLE SEARCH is beyond me. I’m sorry, since when did I declare myself recipe bitch for the world? Oh, that’s right - NEVER! I’ll put up what I damn well want to put up, that sort of request ain’t gonna get any love from me!
(I should take a moment to say that POLITELY written requests inquiring as to whether my mother has a recipe for a particular Korean dish don’t make me vent so much spleen, because frankly there’s a lack of authentic Korean recipes written in English on the intarwebs)
The request before that was from another woman - “I need recipes high in calcium and magnesium for me and my husband at our age”. It took ALL of my self-control not to respond back with “How WONDERFUL for you! Good luck finding them, you stupid cow!” *fumes* I’m sorry, do I put any such information on my blog? NOOOOOOOOOO! For fuck’s sake, if you have dietary requirements, DO YOUR OWN FUCKING RESEARCH INTO THEM, AND DON’T DEMAND IT FROM OTHERS! Maintaining my self-control, I wrote back with a brief but polite email advising that IF she did indeed have special dietary requirements, that she might want to speak to a nutritionist about what foods would be best suited for her and her husband.
Please, recipe-seeking douchebags of the world, food bloggers ARE NOT there to be your recipe bitches, and writing emails of the above ilk will make us VERY uninclined to offer you any sort of help! Like the Americans who write to me asking for recipes converted into measurements *they* can understand, get off your fuckin’ arses and do your own damn work!
/end rant
Now, as I’ve bought 3kg of plums and 4kg of pears, I’m off to make jam.
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Comments
Adam Oh, I’ve had problems with this issue too. On my website, I used to have a "before you contact me" page prior to the contact form. (Do a search first, be polite, ask intelligent questions etc). Of course it turns out that some of them are illiterate, so it only slowed the pace a bit. What seems to have worked - believe it or not - is captcha. Yep, those word-verification thingies not only stop spambots, but thoughtless emailers too. I don’t think I’ve had one for months now….
Ellie 
It’s just that the bad ones are *really* bad 
Haha, great post.
But seriously… have you got a recipe for sweet potato fries with raspberry mayonnaise?
*ducks*