SUCH a girl!
Driving to the shops to do some grocery shopping, I’m coasting down a parking aisle and
“OH MY FUCKING GOD IT’S A HUNTSMAN AND IT’S CRAWLING DOWN MY MOTHERFUCKIN’ WINDSHIELD! AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!”
Cue slamming on breaks (thankfully it wasn’t much of a deal as I was the only car in the aisle and traveling at about 10 kph), and LOTS of girly squealing as I proceed to hyperventilate like a crazy thing and make frantic wavy gestures at the spider (which, admittedly, was on the OUTSIDE of the glass, but as big as the palm of my hand). Spider takes a hint and SCUTTLES back up the windshield and props itself on the top of the car, half on the car and half on the door so that I can’t actually get OUT of the car lest the fucker falls on me.
Cue hyperventilating and almost bursting into tears.
I start banging on the window and it disappears from view, only to scuttle down the back windshield. Quickly, I rip into a parking lot and jump out of the car, shoe in hand. Of course, I’m too much of a pussy to actually whack the thing, so instead there’s lots of tentative shooing motions with said shoe as it scuttles back UP the back windshield, across the top of the car, then down the front windshield, then onto the driver side window. At this point, I’m getting a bit more desperate and trying to use the shoe to flick the fucker off the car and onto the ground, but it seems VERY FUCKING ATTACHED, and instead scuttles down the door and settles on the front right mud flap.
Okay, I can live with that. I put the shoe on and turn to leave, but then remember that I’ve left my mobile phone in plain view on the passenger seat. CRAP.
I look back at the car and the dirty fucker is sitting there and LAUGHING AT ME, I swear to god! I muster my courage, open the door and quickly reach inside to grab the mobile then close the door quick smart so it doesn’t have a chance to scuttle INSIDE the car. The slam of the door sent it racing under the car and I gave up and ran away.
The drive home was…interesting, and even now I get the feeling that the bastard is lying in wait somewhere, ready to terrify me with its gangly legs *shudders*
Yes, it’s just a spider, but I DON’T CARE AND I JUST WANT IT TO GO AWAY~!! *sobs*
If you enjoyed this post, please consider to leave a comment or subscribe to the feed and get future articles delivered to your feed reader.
Comments
Ellie 
LOL try having the hairy legged lil fucker crawl INSIDE the car via those demist vents near the windscreen!! Its happened to me TWICE. I’m all for bio-diversity, but not in my car, or my house. And why do you only see those really big huntsmans when you are sitting on the toilet, at your most vulnerable with pants around ankles,and IT’s between you and the door?