no cigarettes, week 2

So Sunday marked my 2 week anniversary of no cigarettes…except it didn’t taste too sweet as I cracked on Friday as I left work and sparked up.

And took a drag and recoiled in disgust - it tasted horrible! Nonetheless, I wasn’t going to let the taste put me off after craving it for so long, so with much determination I strove on, breathing deep and ignoring the shortness of breath I was developing and that awful feeling in my stomach. Not to mention that wise little voice in my head that was yelling “WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING YOU IDIOT! YOU’RE NOT EVEN ENJOYING IT! PUT IT OUT!!”

Half a cigarette later, I just could not take another drag and ended up butting it out.

I felt two different kinds of horrible - firstly the immediate effects of the cigarette in that I felt slightly out of breath, my heartbeat had increased and it almost felt like I had a teensny bit of a headache. Secondly, my conscious was roundly berating me for being weak and giving into such a desire - and continuing it even after it became apparant that I didn’t enjoy what I was doing.

As punishment? I went to the gym and worked out till I could barely make it home due to the pain I was in. And again on Saturday morning, though admittedly that was a much lighter session as I was still in so much pain from Friday’s workout.

Still craving having a smoke…but I *will* get through this.

Besides, I’m not quite ready to handle another murderous session at the gym *winces* thighs still in way too much pain.