So what’s with this ‘love’ business anyway?

“Next Stop Wonderland”

It’s fairly unlikely that you’ve seen it, it was a small, low-budget ‘quirky’ (I hate that word too, but what can I do?) story about love and relationships that I first saw in 1999. I fell in love with it’s lack of rose-coloured glasses and flawed characters

Erin: I don’t believe in fate, I don’t! Case in point, my mom and dad. They only met because my mom had to take the next flight because her cab was late getting to the airport because on the way it struck and killed a little dog!

Berit: That’s fate!

Rick: Tell that to the little dog!!

The heroine, Erin, is unceremoniously dumped by her bf in the street at the beginning of the movie, and spends the rest of the movie meeting (and being seriously unimpressed by) various men, all of whom have almost laughable flaws. Sure, this is the realm of the silver screen, but the charm of this movie is that the storyline and the characters are so believable. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not looking for a perfect creature, and I’m the first to extol the virtues of being human – having those flaws that make us who we are, as I believe that you grow in the battle to overcome them.

I’ve been dating since the age of 15, and have been with all sorts of men (yes, even the taken kind, though admittedly we’d been shag buddies on and off for a few years…and the last time, he ‘forgot’ to tell me that he’d just started seeing someone, the dog!), and still I’m not sure what I want in a partner. Sure, I can tell you what traits I find myself automatically attracted to, but they don’t necessarily match the traits that I see as important for a viable future. So, where does that leave me? In an interesting no man’s land (Aren’t I the wittiest? Just call me Oscar Wilde!) with a sore head and an upset tum from the internal conflict.

What I’m attracted to is easy enough. Artsy/creative guys (I don’t mind thespians and writers, but have a weakness for men who know how to handle guitars…especially a bass!), slightly unkempt in a certain way that makes me weak at the knees, over 6 foot, brunette, talkative, witty, wicked sense of humour and a book/movie/music fiend. Add a few tatts and piercings and a certain amount of desire to succeed in life and you have my ultimate mate. Well, I’d also hope for a certain amount of sanity as well as some other more private aspects that I’m not about to state here…but there you have it.

However, when I think about the kind of figure I want to raise a family and grow old with…the traits change slightly. The physical aspects (brunette, body art) become much less important, and things such as stability, direction and motivation come much more to the forefront. As I was growing up…actually, until my father opened his own business this year, he had never been able to hold down a job for very long (the combination of his personality and his schizophrenia makes for someone who is extremely difficult to get along with) which resulted in my family moving from place to place every few years, and spending many years barely being able to get by financially. My mother did her best to hold the family together and she did an absolutely admirable job, but under no circumstances will I raise a family under those conditions.

Why the heck am I rattling on about this? Oh, who knows - certainly not me. I guess it was just on my mind.

In the end, it’s like Rick says in the movie - the mystery of love isn’t in how you meet each other, but how you stay together. I’m yet to master that bit, but hey, I’m still young